Broken is as broken does; there is no shame in it, only the rise after the fall. It will quicken you to wholeness and recovery, for it is the furthest thing from pure satisfaction and delight. There is no calm in it; no acceptance, only a blinding desire to gain healing in the shape of unconditional love, a rejuvenated spirit and uninterrupted rest. Brokenness is the first step of transformation, rebirth…you have nothing to fear.
Look! See the human rollercoaster flying by. Some say PRAY, meditate, eat right, exercise, surround yourself with positive people, pick a hobby, WORK, take a lover, get more sleep, visit a spa, DRINK, curse, scream, rant, RAGE, etc. etc. etc. I am definitely not the bubbly in anyone’s glass slipper. I am more like the uneasy conscious bordering on truth and the unspeakable. Real support is solid walls, a roof and a warm meal, not empty words and phrases, promises unmet, or actions undone. Three things I desire: space; time at a standstill and me behind a locked door. I could then fit together all of the pieces without interruption and break the cycle once and for all. (Knock before you enter, I’d say.) Without these things, I don’t think there is a real escape for me while I still draw breath. It’s PUSH or be pushed. Don’t be alarmed. Today, the edge is only fiction. Tomorrow, who knows? So, watch me closely. See me die, and then, begin to live again. Look at the rollercoaster twist and turn! See me PUSH. Yell. See me write. Record my secrets (and yours). See me wallow in the truth. Lay down the rage by picking up the pen. And start all over again. Carefully. Each morning. Everyday. All night. Come in.