I am what I am. There is no getting around it. To start anew does not imply an entire makeover or strategic rearrangement of the tangible parts. It is more so an evolution, a slow but steady rise to a new occasion. This new beginning signals a reckoning with the soul – a tête-à-tête between bodily desires and the mental conscience – as one begins to wholly embrace their humanity in all of its various forms. Do not think to change the face in the mirror or dwell on past decisions, but learn to ride your personal waves of emotion from hope to despair and back again. We all struggle with depression or sadness in some shape or form, but many of us cannot surface from the overwhelming swells of gloom that drift in and out occasionally, and we slowly sink into a mindless abyss. Live or die.
To ride the wave is to meet and conquer our worst fears and understand that any obstacles and setbacks are simply apart of the wave structure as it fluctuates and transforms from situation to situation. The wave is not ordered by a timeline though; it simply exists to rise and fall again, a revolution of space and existence. When we understand that our paths are as flexible as this wave, and what we once believed was a lost opportunity will be returned to us at another time in a different form and space, we are able to rise much more easily to a moment. And our sense of renewal begins to develop and gain momentum.
Stop placing time constraints on yourself; even though our time is measured on this Earth, you are not without the reason and power to set your own pace or stride. On the other hand, time will not wait on us, so we must persevere despite the odds.
Stop changing yourself to suit others; allow yourself to embrace who you are and not who you may hope to be. We are rooted in the self; there is no escaping this, so we must get to know ourselves better and love ourselves in this present moment. We cannot think to alter our truths, but we can better equip the self to survive the pain and continue to live or begin to live again.
Even as I write this, I am struggling to keep apace and ride this mighty wave, but I turn to others for support. Silence is no longer an option; I will be heard above the roar of the waters. I will make every effort to not succumb to the intensity of the powerful swells. I refuse to be defeated. I will fight. Live or die.
The abyss taunts.
Live or die. Live or die.
I ride the wave. Gloves on.