Some mornings are hard. I think everyone has a time of day when they are not at their best. For me, it’s the morning hour. The anticipation of the full day ahead of me winds me up like an old monkey drummer toy. And often, the release doesn’t come until late afternoon when I feel that I’ve accomplished one or two major items on the day’s agenda. Being a worrier doesn’t help the situation either. I always feel that I’m going to forget something throughout the course of the day, so I literally go into dress rehearsal mode before the day has begun, envisioning my daily grind step by step to help me spot the pitfalls before I crash into them later in the day. It can be a rather slow process, so much so that my early morning moves into late morning and so on…the morning becomes a pitfall, itself. I’d love to avoid most mornings altogether and wake up to the midday hour and jump right into the climax. And I admit that I have done this on occasion, but this tactic doesn’t work so well with a 40-hour a week work schedule. So, what can you do?
Today is Sunday. Weekends are different for me. The little monkey rests his drum from the weekly speed and rhythm; there is no anticipation, rush or milling about. Yes, the weekend mornings can be slow, but not debilitating. I feel justified and comfortable in my weekend morning rest and dread anything that will break this peace. Even though I work some Saturday mornings, the days are easier for me somehow. My body is in no longer in distress mode, because I can live at my personal pace in these moments. Living with depression, I discovered that when I am able to work at my own speed or rhythm, I am able to maintain a more positive mood for a longer period, but as soon as a foreign or undesirable entity or event changes that pace or rhythm, I am thrown off-balance and unable to recover as quickly as expected. Set the pace, but give me some space.
As you have read, I like to dance to my own beat. I suppose that is not so peculiar, since there are many others who follow the same philosophy. Yet, each beat is different. I’m no longer interested in helping others understand me; I need to analyze myself and work on achieving a more balanced and steady pace in life. I need to be able to work more easily through the ups and downs and navigate mornings much better than I have in the past. Everyday the sun will rise and set. This will not change, so I must.
Living with and surviving depression begins with confession. Don’t hide from your idiosyncrasies or any oddities. They’re apart of your makeup; meet these issues; face yourself. Presently, I have returned to the spiritual for maximum guidance and a regular exercise regimen to renew me in the mornings, keep me energized throughout the day and help combat stress. I thank God for the former and my Dad for the latter. I pray that someone is in your corner, and if not, you can count me as the first. Blessings! -Dorhora